10 last blog

The last day of clinical check out. I wish i could have said I was more prepared than I was for the ATI, but no. i can not complain to much though i passed and in the end that is all that matters. I only seem to remember that i want to be a nurse at times of stress. At work it is the stress that makes me do my best. At school it seems to be the same. I would love to review a little at a time over a period of days, that is not my way. It seems if there is no stress there is no reason. I will try to work on that. I can imagin how much better i would do if I took more time to prepair. I want to say thanks to my instructor. She has been patient with me and all of my strange ways.

9- teck

Technology in nursing is going to make us more able to support one another. The use of e-mail and other avenues of communication will let us more freely share our thoughts and methods of treatment. Not only improving our ability to care for our patients but also allowing for a much more consistent level of care around the world. This ability to have no boundaries of space and culture will also allow us to achieve a much clearer view of what is needed for us as nurses but for our patients as well. There is no limit to what can happen except out imagination so we should dream big.

8-Death / loss what is worse

I don’t know if all our posts must be on clinical but this one is mostly on our class to day. I have only seen one of my patients in this school pass on. She was a woman I did not know very well but I did know she was a teacher for over thirty years and was one of the aids I worked with favorite. (I hope that made sent) I did not know her so her passing did not touch me very much. Death in general does not hold much power over me or my thoughts on life. I have seen death in ways I wish I haven’t, and in ways that I felt honored to be a part. Oddly enough some of those two are the same. I personally have been close to death four times in my life. Each time my friends or family seem to think I will change my ways that I will be more careful. Each time I feel that I have been maid freer. I feel that if I am to die I want it to be on my terms if I can and doing what ever is most important to me, not to let the fear hold me back. Loss and especially unknown loss holds my fears. I have never doubted if I will die but I have an unknown in my past that I was not strong enough to talk about in class. Most all of you know that I was married and am now divorced. What very few people know is that she was pregnant while we were going through the divorce process. That is not the hard part, what is hard is that the odds were slim that it was mine. To make it worse she miscarried the child a little boy she named Michel in her sixth month and had to deliver him. This is the most embarrassing moment in my life; I had to sign the papers to let the chilled be cremated and never know if he was mine or not and to admit that to the mortician who was doing the paperwork. Even if the chances were slim there was that chance, that I had a son that I have never seen held or known. That unknown is what will always be part of me, so I will always strive to never let a question like that ever happen to some one under my care. Death comes for us all and I hope we all live our lives so he brings no fear, but regret and doubt are what hold pain for me. (Just a different point of view to think on)
If you are prone to pity or what ever don’t, this is part of what has brought me hear and gives me strength.

7- Our own worst enemy

I have a patient that is his own worst enemy. Almost all of his illnesses are attributed to bad decisions and living in a high risk life stile. He is a grate person. I really like to talk to him. I felt like I really could help him. Just to take control of the only thing in life that we can control our selves. Before he was discharged I went over some of the quit smoking hand outs, had talked to him about the importance of not drinking, how those two things would contribute to him loosing weight and finely the doctor referred him to a dietitian. In many ways he is me. I may not have the same ailments but most all of what is damaging to me is self inflicted. I hope that it wont take a brush with death to make me change my ways.

6- something new

Finley something new, as much as I liked my resident focusing on one primary patient gets kind of old. I really like the setting in the hospital. The fact that I will at least get one new patient a week if not two is grate. I also feel that I am learning more, having more diagnosis and treatments to keep track of. I am really looking forward to being checked off on more skills so I can work more freely.

cant see my first

I went looking to see my first blog and cant. So I will add this one too. I don’t have a very focused topic like I did for the other 4. These are just some things I see. I find my self watching people more now in clinical than I did before. What brings the residents joy and what brings us the students joy. I love the fact that the residents are able to get such enjoyment form very simple things. Students are in some ways the same. When we don’t have papers do on Mon or get to sleep in these simple things bring us joy too. In other ways I envy the residents in there simplicity. I interact with a man that can barely speak and relies on other people for most every task. I do not like asking for help for anything there is some things for me to learn hear I hope I pay attention to all of it.

computer or mind you decide.

Passing meds, I don’t like computers and the passing of the meds didn’t help. I know how to use the EMR at work but the new system at the extended care facility is annoying. I guess it puts me in the position of my resident a bit. He has to do things for the first time even when he has before just because he does not remember. Sometimes I see it in his eyes that he knows that he should know something but can’t get it out. How much more annoying is that when it is not a computer but your own mind that wont do as you ask.

Bowling

Bowling at the facility is awesome. I love bowling and to see the residents interacting, talking trash to one another is grate. Seeing this really gives me hope for when I get to be in there shoes. My resident is more alive during these few hours than he is for most of the week and more like he used to be. Nothing like the power of bowling :)

day 2

Day two again it is the unexpected that seems to be affecting me the most. I find the feeding of a person that can not do it for them selves very powerful, even more than the feeding of a baby. I guess it is because they could have been the ones that feed us when we were babies. It is one of the most basic skills to feed your self and to be the one providing that strikes me in a very deep way.

first day of clinicals

The first day of clinic ales was interesting. I said I really did not want to do pari care and I had to do it three times in the last hour of the very first day. It taught me a very big lesson in humility and in the fact that it is a necessary thing not only for health but in respects as well. The early morning is also reminding me of just doing what you must to get to your goals.